Inception of a tragic end!
To all those girls who say " All men are dogs!"
Have you ever considered your father ,brother or cousins as dogs?
NO? Then just cut that cliche dialogue right there!
Well, forget that shit! It has nothing to do with my story! I was just lengthening this post :p
HERE IS MY STORY:-
It all began in August 2018.I wanted to improve my communication skills and in order to do that, I needed people .
Having no friends available in my city, I had to join an Institute to practice .I joined one in June 2018 and initiated speaking in front of about 10-15 people on the mike. I was and am still a mediocre in spoken English to be honest . Anyways, she also joined there in the beginning of August . She was and still suffering from depression and I wasn't aware of that when we met. I liked everything of her initially, like we all do when we meet new people. But I had no intentions of being in a relationship with her . I just liked her.
Two weeks passed by and we talked and found too many things common between us. I deactivated facebook in order to avoid her and be involved with her as we were moving too fast.
One day , during the class, she asked me why I was not coming online and I replied “ainvayi”. On 15 August, I reactivated my facebook account and we started chatting again. That was the day when she proposed me . I took a day’s time and finally replied her “yes” face to face and our relationship started.
You know what, I really feel awkward and stupid typing all this… but I have already committed to you people to share my story and here I am in the middle of my story.
Soon I discovered that she was really suffering from depression because of the bad environment @ her home.The day I discovered that, keeping her happy , smiling and tension free became my sole motive. I forgot all my worries and started doing everything I could in order to help her out of depression. Because of depression, she couldn't enjoy anything properly. Neither she put up any kind of make up, nor she used any perfume. She was and still is a natural beautiful woman.
I wish she could understand that.
I began reading articles, watched videos on youtube about curing and dealing with depression. I haven't done this much research for anyone and about anything in my entire life. Frankly speaking , I already had a lot on my plate then, but I never thought about my problems. Day and Night, I thought only about her and her smiling face .That smile! Damn! It always went straight through my heart. For me, it became the most precious thing.
You might think I am exaggerating here, but I am not! I always appreciated her style, beauty and perhaps everything she had but she didn't accept any of my appreciations .In the meantime, I listened to romantic songs like a typical Indian lover , uploaded romantic (now absurd ) posts on social media much more that I don't even recall now.
One month passed and the bond between us got stronger... And it seemed impossible to live without her... I always wanted to have a sports bike of my own , but that willingness also faded away because I didn't want anything except her. She was like a panacea to me..............
Apart from all that, I had had hallucinations of her at night in which I used to see her sleeping right next to me. Once, I went out of station to see my new born nephew. It was supposed to be a special moment for me but even there, I couldn't stop myself thinking about her. That was when I realised I was into some deep shit... as I didn't have any desire for anything except her love. But, unfortunately I didn't get that either.
Take a piece of paper and write something on it. It can be anything. Finished?
Now, hold that piece of paper very close to your eyes try to read what you have just written!
This is what actually happened to me! Sometimes, you have to put things/people away from you in order to read/analyse them properly. But as you know how indulged I was with her. Except for the intimacy between us, I have told you everything.
So, when our classes ended, we used to talk under a tree near that institute for hours. And to be honest, those moments were one of the blissful moments of my life. I requested her to call me every day in the afternoon as she was a panacea to me. No matter how hard my days went, I felt amazing after talking with her.
Well, I think I have praised her enough.
Let's pace forward.....
The owner of that Institute in which we used to study was a keen woman. She had been observing me since the day I got indulged with 'her'. Being a psychology graduate, she had already understood my inclinations towards 'her' .
One day, she called me in her office and politely reprimanded me .... carefully giving me the directions what I should not do at that stage. She forbade me to involve with a depressed girl like 'her'. She added that ' It is a wild goose chase Akshay, leave her on her own!' But I ignored all her sayings as I was living in some imaginary world in which I could see only 'her'.
Ma'am knew extremely well that I would end up hurting myself and she won't give a damn about me.
And that's what exactly happened in the end.
One day, while I was on my way to the institute, I saw that her parents were burying her pet dog in the field. Actually I forgot to mention that , she is a die hard dog lover and I knew that too. I went into the class in a hurry in the expectation to see her there, but she didn't come. That was the time when I realised that she must be dealing with anguish and agony. I rode back to my home ASAP and tried to call her . Neither did she receive the calls nor replied the messages which I was sending her consecutively. I desperately wanted to see her or hear her voice at that time. I was getting out of control then. My mother had prepared the table for lunch. Besides that, I had to check a lot of test copies that day. But, I couldn't finish either of them. That was the moment when my ANXIETY got triggered and reached its peak!
I left the table and dressed myself up! Rode my scooter straight to her house, just to have a glance of her. I called her brother's name out but he didn't come. However, his brother knew me, he didn't come out. Despite he sent her aunt out and made her tell that he wasn't at home. I heard that already but didn't react. I just asked his aunt his well being as their pet had died. She just made some story and I went to my coaching to teach. But, I knew something was wrong and my heart was beating tremendously fast.
- As soon as I started my class, I started getting the text of her brother. He threatened me and dared me to come to his house right then. He was furious but I was calm. I tried to apologize many times and told him that I came to his house with no bad intention but he was not in the mood to understand. For your information, I want to tell you that his brother merely a high school student and a knave one. He didn't accept my apology and was in a mood to kill me to be honest. I am generally a short-tempered person but at that time, in spite of being belligerent and accepting his dare, I thought of something that you guys won't even consider doing then......................
You must be eager to know what I did after that!
Actually I had their parent's phone no. and I called them because I thought it was better to talk to an adult being an adult! And that was the turning point!
I dialed the no. and her mother received. She asked'' Who's this?" I told her everything in detail adding that her son is threatening me for coming to their house. His mother understood the matter properly but the phone was on the speaker and his father heard everything.
I can't disclose his father's character. She would probably hate me even more if she read this blog. Nevertheless , I would just say that their family is totally male dominating. I have developed a kind of hatred for these kind of people since my childhood as I had seen many women committing suicides because of such behavior by men. It seems like I can write one separate blog on such kind of people !
After her father heard the whole story, he started abusing his wife on the phone, called me again and threatened me to break my leg and whatnot. That moment, I engulfed everything he said as I blamed myself for everything and was worried what would happen with her then. I apologized to her father also and told him too that I didn't come to his house with any bad intention. I came as a friend. But his anger had reached to its pinnacle. He shouted and disconnected the phone. Before disconnecting the call, he said that he would find me soon and show me who he was.I still have those call recordings on my phone.
My anxiety was killing me from inside. I can't describe how scared I was then. Not for myself, but for her safety. I knew extremely well that I had done a grave mistake and someone's future was going to be ruined because of me. After an hour or so , "SHE" called me and asked why the hell I came to her house. As she was abused and condemned by her parents and relatives, she blamed everything on me. I couldn't reply her then. She then said the last words that still rings inside my head " FORGET ME AKSHAY! SAB KHATAM! AB KUCH NAHI HO SAKTA!! BYE ! NEVER CALL ME AGAIN! " And I didn't utter a word except "SORRY!". 😞
In INDIA, if a girl is caught doing something wrong or is alleged of doing something wrong, most of the parents judge her and they give them a punishment called "MARRIAGE". That's what I have surveyed. Girls will definitely understand better what I am trying to convey here!
Being afraid of that, I stopped myself contacting her again.
It was a 67 days relationship that went into vain just because of my stupidity. 22 October ,2018 is the date we parted and since then I never got a call from her either.
Now it was the turn of THE AFTERMATH,
I was devastated!
While typing this, it feels like I am reliving that moment. So, for my health sake, I just want to summarize things here! SO SORRY!
I started drinking and once I got caught in my home.Her, not calling even once made me mad.
MY mother knows that I drink occasionally and she was well aware of my breakup too as I share almost everything with her. She didn't utter a word and didn't even try to scold me.But when she caught me drunk the second time, she said in a funny way "If you won't stop drinking , I will start drinking !" Funny , isn't it? That's my mother! :p Weirdest mother you will ever meet!
One day, while riding my scooty, I saw "her" passing by and stopped in the middle of the road. I was dumbstruck !She was totally unaware of my presence. For 15-20 minutes , I stayed there till she went far enough from my sight . It happened after 40-45 days after the breakup. I realized that, she is safe and her freedom has not been affected.
Besides drinking and smoking , I burst into tears sometimes and had had a lot of junk food . TO divert my mind,I tried a lot of things including playing the most trending and renowned game "PUBG". I think you all have heard of it. I am really thankful that I don't get addicted to alcohol or smoking. I left those in two months.
Drinking and Smoking were the least of my worries! Getting panic attacks every day for some minutes was the worst thing that the breakup gave me! I told my friends about the panic attacks, but they didn't take it seriously. They still think that I am bluffing. After watching a lot of videos and reading articles on Anxiety disorder and the panic attacks , I got that medicines would be the last thing that could help me . I need to stay in a positive environment as much as I can. But still, thinking about her every single time and having dreams of her are the most horrible things happening to me till now!
Yeah ! you read that right ! "TILL NOW". It's been more than 70 days of the breakup and not an hour passes by when I don't think of her! The difference is that, it's totally under control. I can do my daily chores without stopping. Avoiding romantic songs and dodging pessimistic people , I am trying to find my way out of that. I really am thankful to one person" PRADEEP CHOUDHARY" for being with me every single time ,understanding me, encouraging me and suggesting me different ways to help me out! You truly are a good friend! :)
WELL ! I am not much of a passionate writer , though I thought of expressing my feelings through this post and I feel that I didn't finish my story properly!
Pardon me if I disappointed you but in case you liked it, do share and comment ! Don't comment in order to comfort me ! Genuine comments only!
I really need something to get carried away in a good direction!
THANK YOU FOR READING!
SEE YA FOLKS!:)