You're my lost autumn,
The sync of the fall;
The omnipotent divinity,
Beat of my heart's call.
I've always believed, our heart is what we want it to be. Our heart is one blissful abode of solitude.
And that is exactly what we search for - a person who makes our solitude looks treasured; one who fits into that blank space, who takes our heart, and cherish our soliloquy as their own.
Love demands solitude.
Love demands the soliloquy to be heard.
Love demands the blank space inside of you to be painted with the brightest of colours.
My heart was a blank space as such, my love was resting in.
And you were that paint it needed.
The dark night shone it's brightest, with your scintillating blue eyes. Your smile was the brightest, with the unsaid melancholy hidden inside.
Your breathe made my heart flutter. Your touch sent shivers down my spine.
You know, I still believe we met when we're searching for each other unknowingly; anonymously.
That night in the bar was a blessing, hidden inside the shell of a blissful pain.
I remember your drunken walk, I remember the way you swayed your body to get yourself up when we fell on the ground. I remember the way you smiled, I remember the dull shine on your eyes.
Damn you were nothing less than an art.
The first meet was meant for those sparks.
But that mere interactive attempt wasn't of any help, as our existence still remained unknown to each other.
Your little acknowledgement and that soothing tune when you murmured a 'thanks' still leaves me incomplete with an understated desire of need.
I still need you.
I still yearn for you.
What we had was too less.
The second time we met, it was nothing short of a magic.
The sky was beautifully painted in blue and whites. The Autumn sprawling it's best.
I sat on that bench unknowingly, oblivious to the fact that the breath touching my eardrums was of you.
My fate blessed me with the best, that day.
I had my heart beating erratically against my ribcage when you smiled, acknowledging the seat for me to take.
And it disappointed me, when I realized you didn't remember that little encounter we had that night in the bar.
Not that I expected, considering we hardly asked for each others name, and I was well aware of the fact that what I felt at that moment, in the pub, was something - not to be reciprocated.
How could I, when I myself wasn't aware of a what I felt.
However, our destiny was ruthless about the aftermath of our collision, and the happening was rudimentary and too mere to be felt.
I further started the conversation with acknowledging you for letting me seat, and I again felt the sparks with your smile.
I remember how keenly you listened to my story of being here in London, leaving my family back there in Pakistan.
I remember our discussion on each others eye colors.
I remember our debate on the Autumn and Spring.
"Autumn narrates how beautiful endings are. Autumn is a reminder for us to let others fill that beautiful void that we would leave." you said.
My heart is a reminder of that voice, every minute, every second.
Did I ever tell you how your eyes shone when you spoke.
You looked divine.
But somewhere between finding the conclusion of your words and admiring your presence, I couldn't get the melancholy deeply overshadowing your shining blue eyes.
The third time we met, I was already in love with your presence, thanking my stars for you.
I felt worthy around you, for a reason unfathomable.
We talked, walking around the park, with subtle attempts by me to know you more.
Your British accent and the weight with which you stated your views, made me fall in Love with you a little more.
Albeit, I was too naive to decipher.
I smiled when you laughed at my rudimentary sense of humour. I loved how you would state facts being so honest; but still would make sure it doesn't hurt in the process.
Goddamned, did I not get lucky.
I had you so close to me, I had you to love, to cherish, to protect.
But I lost.
That day was a dream; too heavenly to be real.
I remember how your eyes sparkled with love and happiness, at our intimacy.
I cherished the moment of us being one.
That little trace of my love, shining over your neck warmed my entire living.
The passion and love, igniting the desire and lust to have each other, was divine.
"time is too less for us to be in Love, Zaheer. All we have is this few moments."
I couldn't fathom that day, what those words meant, and why that was the last day of us, when all I wanted was to break every inch of barricade the society would throw us in.
I deserved to be let known, it was the last time my eyes sketched your presence.
It was only when you left, I realized you had become the living drop of my life.
It was only when you left, I realized the pain of not confessing what I felt.
It was only when you left, I knew I was ruined.
Two months, 3 weeks, 4 days.
And a single address it took for my devastation.
Cancer, it was.
And your breath, your touch, your existence, was no more a reality.
Human emotions, they say, are the most bizarre truth ever existed in this universe.
You never know what that people meant to you, unless and until it's time for their existence to be perished.
I couldn't, either.
The span of one month with you, was a living dream.
Every moment with you made me feel worthy; worthy to be loved.
I was a wreck.
I knew all of it was love. But the time you provided me with, was too short for me to decipher.
And I lost you.
I hate you for never telling me you loved me, just to let me go.
I hate you for never confessing all that your eyes did.
And I hate myself for not letting you know, I love you.
It was too late when I realized what love wants; what love needs.
The art of love, is divine.
The soul to love, is serene.
The power of love, is supreme;
And the existence of love, is paramount.