Securing emotional growth has come with foregoing unrealistic expectations I have had out of life. It’s been a slow process to learn that all the things that I know or have been told of cannot be believed undisputed.
So here’s a list of unrealistic expectations I have had out of life between the ages of 14 and 21-
There is a Mr. Right for me somewhere out there – That notion has helped sell a lot of movies and books. But that’s fiction. In reality though, I follow Cameron Diaz’s advice, ‘Don't go looking for Mr. Right. Look for Mr. Right Now.’ Mr. Right is in our imaginations, devoid of flaws and imperfections. We can either pine for that guy to show up or go out and be pleasantly surprised by the amount of people in the world that we find ourselves compatible with.
Having frequent explosive fights with a significant other means that you love them – I heard that a lot being said in relation to the dynamics two people share in a relationship. Apparently, if you don’t have any fights with your significant other it means that you have fallen out of love. This is pretty far from reality though. Two people who love and respect each other have discussions and resolutions. Being verbally aggressive or trying to get in the last word in fights isn’t a prerequisite of a loving relationship. A fight like that sure can erupt between two people but should it become a recurring theme, it’s time to dissect and evaluate the relationship.
Everybody would be supportive of people suffering mental health issues – The notion of being discriminated against or being ostracized due to a mental illness was a foreign thing to me, something that can only happen to people in movies. I was wrong about that too. People can be incredibly dismissive of things they can’t see or understand. Seemingly kind people with the best of intentions could also very swiftly retract support towards people who cite mental afflictions.
If an abusive boyfriend is remorseful they won’t hit you again - An abused woman will return to their partner on an average of 7 times before leaving them for good. This is because trauma bonds have a strong pull. Violence within a relationship is inexcusable. Nothing that goes on in a relationship between two people could warrant one hitting the other. A boyfriend who can’t navigate an unpleasant argument without hitting their girlfriend is sufficiently underdeveloped for any meaningful relationship. It’s wise to let them go, even if they swear on their lives that they’d never hurt you again.
Long distance relationships would work if you constantly keep in touch virtually –For any relationship to work one needs to have a life independent of their partner. Constantly texting or being preoccupied with being in touch with a significant other is the equivalent of being attached to their hip. It can be fun and endearing in the beginning but it can very quickly become intrusive and exhausting for both parties involved. I have learnt the hard way while it is important to keep your significant other in the loop about all the highlights of the week it’s also important to have friends and hobbies where you are settled.
By Clarin George